madre June 22, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in life's like that, this is me.5 comments
The most complex relationship for me has been that of a Mother. For me that name feels like a big, gaping hole in my heart. Sometimes I can see that hole and it appears like an endless abyss, dark and unknown. Like the black hole in the galaxy, no matter how much I force myself to see it, it just gets more and more infinite. Sometimes in my sleep I can see that hole and that part of me aches badly now. I had my mom for the nine months she kept me and for the day I was born. I was brought up by my family very lovingly. I never really missed or craved for my mother until, well almost until I got married. When I missed her, it would be the same as someone who didn’t have a brother or sister would miss having one. I never cried for her. I do not know how this came about, but my family never talked about her. We never had any of her pictures hung around the house. I do not know my parents anniversary till date and I didn’t know how she looked almost until I was 16 or something. I heard many stories about the kind of child I was, I could dress up on my own for school and just wait for someone to button up my shirt and tie my laces. How no one ever bothered to see if my homework was done, since I always on top of it. How I could cook a decent meal while I was just about 12 years old. Basically just how good I was 
. And I have fond memories of my childhood. I have memories of lots of uninterrupted play, of my birthday celebrations, of being loved, pampered, going for holidays, meeting cousins, like just any other child. A normal childhood. I never remember my family pity me or say to me or to anyone – oh poor child! She doesn’t have a mother. Or hear them say, she missed this and she isn’t this since she never had her mum. I often had my mum’s cousins tell me, how I looked like her and how I had her taste in music and hair like her. And I also heard from others how my father refused several second marriage proposals because he thought he couldn’t trust anyone to bring me up. I never felt that someone was missing from my family or there was something I missed in my relationship with them. I do not know whether it was a good thing they did when they never talked about her. When I was small I think it worked, at that time it was good, since it never made me miss her. But now I feel, had they brought up the topic and made me realize what I was missing, I would have been less sensitive to such talk. Now when I miss her, I cry endlessly, as if I just lost her yesterday!
I do not have a mother. I never had one. This is a fact of my life. And it has never come to haunt me as much as it does now. Does it make me over sensitive? I do not know. Does it make me unaware of a mother’s feelings? I do not know. I have known aunts and my friend’s mothers, my sister is a mother too. My thinking is different since thoughts like ‘what would my mom have done in this situation’ do not cross my mind. I am my own kind of mom and I am growing and evolving. I am learning as I go along. And I want to be ‘my’ kind of mum.
This post didn’t make much sense. ok.
my watches… May 4, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in random thoughts, this is me.2 comments
have all stopped together at 4:10. Three of them. Pretty uncanny for me. I am not much of a watch fan (yeah! ask my husband), however over the years I have sort of amassed a collection. At the last count, I have about 9 of them. My first watch was a titan, and I was a school going kiddo at that time, the steel strap and the fancy dial was all too fascinating for me. And I wore that watch for quite a long time, well into my college years. As I started to work, I bought myself another fancy watch which became my favorite for about 2 years. I would wear it all of my waking hours and sleeping hours too. During my first job, the employer gifted all its employees a watch on diwali and that one became my hot favorite then. It was silly of me to have worn it even when not at work and to have felt proud to be associated with the big name that they were. As we dated and my then boyfriend(and now hubby) gifted me some watches and my collection just grew like that. So some were bought and others were gifted. In the past 2 weeks, I have had an unusual experience with my watches. I have lost one of these 9. And today morning I noticed, three of them had stopped with the time 4:10 on them. Is there some supernatural message or sign in all this that I cannot gather! like my time of death or something! quite creepy no!
Also, a few days ago, I almost lost another one of my watches. I wore it to a market, did my shopping and on the way back realised that the watch was missing from my wrist. Me and Little V then went back all the way to search for it, but it wasn’t there in any of the shops. Somehow, that day I found it lying right next to where the car was parked. No one picked it up from there. I was happy to have found it. Andd, now that I am doing this post, I recollect there is an old watch lying somewhere at home, which I haven’t worn in a year and I am wondering if its stopped at 4:10 too. Its the first thing I’ll check when I get back home today.
may be apun ka time kuch kharab chal raha hai !
being the (woe)man of the house April 10, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in Little V, holiday time, hubby, this is me.7 comments
Hubbie isn’t home these days and little V and me are missing him like crazy. I always pestered him to do more stuff around the house, and now I cant’ bear his absence. All I am begging for now, is to sip tea with him in the morning, a drive to my office, a call in the day, a drive to the market, a glass of water when I don’t feel like budging from where I am and of course a peck on the cheek and a surprise hug. oooh! we miss him. (Did I make all that sound like a list of tasks, well lets call it that, its pretty much what he does around here 
Rest of his life is devoted to his first wife ie his work. I also have plenty to crib about managing the bills, running around to fix gas supply and such mundane tasks, but I’ll spare you the rust. On another note, I kept up on my fights with him, some happened over phone and some over chats. Lets leave those too.
Little V and me decided to therefore not miss him so much and we are flying to him in a week’s time! hurray! We are all too excited and busy packing now. We’ve had two very bad weeks of not having him here and we can’t wait to be with him. Little V had his fabulous first flight when he was 5 months, and this will be his second. So, I am not going to say anything for fear of any sort of jinx *ward off evil eye* and will post in detail about our trip later.
While daddy has been away, Little V has been upto stuff. He now has a clear preference for his books vs his toys and can spend hours looking at them, upside down, pointing at every little detail. Watching him so engrossed in all this, is an all time high for me(yet). He is also particularly fascinated by a certain fisher price toy of balls of several colors and sizes (I cant find the link for it), its the longest he’s been attracted to one toy. And it is by far the simplest of toys in its make but a lot can be done with those half and full balls. He also now does a little jiggle when any of his musical toy plays. He points to the fan and says fa fa fa. I think from mamamamama he is sort of saying mimimimimi for me which is very cute. He isn’t crawling yet, and trust me I am not at all sweating over it! He has all of his life to crawl to walk and it doesn’t bother me one bit. Very soon time will be gone and I will miss carrying him around everywhere. He can now position himself to crawl though and can be seen on all four limbs. He’s only moving backwards in this posture right now. Little V likes the fearsome huge dog our neighbors have and he’s always very delighted to see the pet. The moment I say ‘doggie’ Little V wants to rush to the window to catch a glimpse. Little V can also now get up and sit from a lie down position, which really shocks me, when did this guy learn to do that. I had been stacking away some of Little V’s clothes that he outgrew which I absolutely adored and hope to someday if and when I have another baby, see these clothes on it. I now have a humungous number of baby clothes, and I do not plan to store anything from now on. Some of them have memories attached and some are just so cute, I think I will never ever feel like letting go of them.
The past two weeks felt like ages and I am totally sleep deprived and love deprived right now and pray for me that the next week goes off soon. We will be in obamaland then!
No to Nano March 24, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in my country, this is me.4 comments
The wonder small car was launched yesterday. The Nano that unleashes a small car revolution of the Maruti 800 variety. It will now become every family’s first car. Indian dreams of owning a car of the two most sought after luxuries of ‘ghar aur gaadi’ will be realised. While I am all for power to the Indian and the revolutionary $2000 car, that the US media calls it, I shudder to think what will become of the already over strained road network of our country. Traffic will worsen as all the bikers will switch to Nano and the already swelling upper class will not think twice before owning another car. Our government is doing very little to ensure that this car doesn’t end up making driving on roads a nightmare. The government should (a) Restrict Nano’s use to only city driving (ie local driving) (b) Ban the Nano from all metros (c) Begin to tax heavily the luxury segment cars (some very rich class, won’t mind paying another lakh or 2 to get the car of their desire) (d) Use this money to improve the transport system.
As of now, I am saying No to the Nano. What about you?
She.. March 22, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in this is me.11 comments
She never held me in her arms, She never fed me.
She never thought of doing up my hair, And she had no desires for me.
She never answered when I called out for her. For school she never dressed me.
Nor did she pack my favorite lunch boxes. Never did she wait for me late evenings.
I had no sarees I could think of borrowing one day.
We had no girlfriend talks to share. I always wept when I was sad and wondered if she would care.
I had her eyes and her stare. But I thought how would it be if she was here.
She never guessed college romances that I wish I could share.
Career choices were never debated, I wonder how she rated the men I dated.
What would she pick for me for my wedding? Would she give me the kundan I eyed?
What would she say when she saw me as a bride?
Would she know of my pain, when I became her? Would she take pride in how I braved it?
He says, I do not know how women are, since I never had her.
Will she ever answer that?
I speculate whether she will relate, how I never knew(and never will) of what it is to have her.
Will she see the way I wept…
and that there are days I miss her bad.
To my Mum, whom I never had. Miss you.
work from home March 20, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in at work, life's like that, random thoughts, this is me.4 comments
I choose to work from home today. It happens to be one of the perks of my new role. Besides the money, it’s the only other attractive thing. Oh yes! I also have a very inspiring lady for a boss. The ms. I-can-do-all-look good-have kids-manage them well sort of an efficient corporate honcho! Little V found out something unusual in the day today, so he is particularly clingy and crying easily for the smallest thing and demanding 100% attention. We have both been sitting in the living room since morning on the carpet, me hastily checking my emails on my pc and little V safely seated on 2 thick blankets (he sometimes falls backwards) with toys scattered all around us. The day went well, I got enough work done. I got to play with Little V for some extra time and fed him all his meals myself. Sneaked in some time to make a new dish for him. Spoke with two friends over the phone. Had fewer cups of tea and gulped lesser food than I do when I am stressed out at work.
So this thought came to my mind (i usually dilly dally on how comfortable this working mommy bit is, so don’t be surprised to hear from me totally tangent views at some other time). Aren’t working mums, living in a nuclear family, the most efficient bunch of people around? They never indulge in rotten office gossip. They do not want to spend extra time in office just to show off hard work. They don’t lick their boss’s feet. They are quick to respond to emails and answer phone calls at the first. Not only do they manage the office work, they are also running a household and managing baby meals, not being able to afford any showdowns in the week. They have their washing, cupboard cleaning, friends visits and weekends neatly planned out. They are ambitious but not running after that extra promotion, that additional raise, they won’t bend their standards to get there. But alas! they are also the most stressed out of the lot sometimes…me thinks.
yeah yeah…I love doing the tags…here’s one March 9, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in Little V, this is me.6 comments
Munchkin’s Mom tagged me sometime ago. Lets see how it goes!
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?
Yes, planned to every detail, we had read all that we could, mentally prepared and ready for it. And we hit the bulls eye first shot!
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
Yes, couldn’t risk planning it that way (see 1 above) without being married
3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
Ok, so I was expecting that ‘I will now be expecting’ ..ehh!! very matter of factly, I said ‘we did it!!’
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?
Not Applicable
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
I ‘am’ young.
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
The test stick, though hubbie refused to believe it, he thought I couldn’t be pregnant if I wasn’t puking, now how filmy is that!
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
Hubbie and then my mother-in-law.
8. DUE DATE?
26th June 2008
9. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
Absolutely none, I was working on some days from 9am to 6am (next day mornings) every quarter!
10. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
Nothing, I secretly wished I would crave something, but I didn’t, Iwas exceptionally hungry though, at any time of the day or night, I could eat!
11. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?
After the beginning of my ninth month, I got bad, very red scary scars all over my arms, legs and my tummy, that itched like there was no tomorrow. I was irritated literally!! all the time. None of the docs, gynae or dematologists could figure out what it was. These were like big red blobs all over my skin, sometimes elevated too and very very itchy!
12. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD’S SEX?
Male
13. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
It didn’t matter, we just wanted a healthy, happy baby. I would be wrong if I say we didn’t think of what sex it would be, we were neutral.
14. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?
25 kgs and I managed to loose all of it and some more too!
15. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
Yes, my friends planned it as a surprise and I am so glad they did! It isn’t part of our punjabi customs.
16. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
A lovely surprise!
17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?
Refer 11 above. I also had some GD scare, but it wasn’t for real. The cord was around the baby’s neck. I had become a whale, if you see the kgs I gained. My doc was worried if I would be able to lose it. Just these.
18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
New Delhi
19. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
None, the delivery was also planned to perfection!
20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL/BIRTH CENTER?
My husband, mother-in-law, sister-in-law and my dad and sister and brother-in-law and my sister-in-law(brother’s wife) and my nephews joined us at the hospital. A complete family mela!
21. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
My supertrustworthy doc and her team.
22. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
C-Section
23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
Yups, you don’t expect me to go through a csec without it!
24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
3.6 kg
25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ?
16th June 2008
26. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION WHEN THE DOCTOR ANNOUNCED THE SEX OF THE BABY?
” ok, and so why is he crying so much, i know they are supposed to cry, but why so much, can you please see if all’s ok”. Just that.
27. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST REACTION ON SEEING THE BABY?
“Oh my baby! Don’t cry beta! I am your mamma, everything will be fine”
28. DID YOU CRY?
I was a bit teary eyed, but I didn’t cry out as such.
29. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Little Little V.
30. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY
8 months and 3 weeks.
Thanks for this Munchkin’s Mom I enjoyed doing it. Anybody who would love to do this tag, please take it up!
I’ve made a move.. February 12, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in at work, life's like that, this is me.3 comments
…from my current role to a much lighter role in the same organisation. I had decided to keep away any work related stuff from this blog. However, besides being work related, this move brings a totally different dimension to my career. I will move to a different division in the same company. This new role will require lesser time at the workplace which simply translates to more time with Little V. And that’s what I have been craving for. I am a finance background person and we thrive on deadlines, month ends, quarter ends and year end financial data and reporting. This new role won’t have any such period end commitments and will offer (hopefully) one day in the week as work from home and a more morning (8ish to 4ish) kind of a day. At this moment this opportunity sounds so perfect, like everything after this will be just alright. This reminds me of a discussion I had with my director regarding the new role and how he wanted me to think it all over and I remember him saying – any move, any position (that needs less time) will need compromise at some level, more or less, it won’t match up for the time you could be at home full time. So they wanted me to figure out if I would be happier with something lighter or would rather give it all up. His words did ring a bell, but I am hoping fewer work hours in a week, will work perfectly for me.
I was so thrilled during the run up to fetching this position, it seemed like the be all and end all of everything. Now that I have got it, I am already missing my current role and all the glamour it used to bring with it. My current division is the most sought after division at my office. And it makes me wonder if this is indeed the right thing for me. Afterall, I am leaving a glossy position for a more laid back working life. I can’t help but feel melancholic about this role change. I liked my work and I liked the glamour my role brought me, no matter how bad it got during the quarter or month ends. But on the whole I think, it will benefit Little V, who can have more of me and I can have more of him and that anything is worth this extra time we are now going to have together. Now there is another letting go happening coz of the mommy bit of me. Being a mommy changes so many things about you…its never the same again! every day is a new day!
Who fights like there’s no tomorrow February 4, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in hubby, this is me.4 comments
..me, me, me
Who does kiss and make up the next morning…hubby dear!
PS: the next day’s mornings are good, very good, but that doesn’t solve anything.
an eventful weekend January 5, 2009
Posted by preetischronicle in Little V, this is me.6 comments
We waited and waited and waited for little V to roll over, but he just wouldn’t. I was willing to wait as much as little V wanted me to, I was in no hurry and this milestone wasn’t of much concern. Finally he did! On the weekend, rolled over to catch a toy car which was lying some distance away to reach for it and then another roll over with the car in his hand, to be on his back again! My oh my! It was fun so see this little creature roll over like that.
And guess, how eventful can your weekend get if your little son rolls over and cracks a little teeth too!! fabulous!! Its the bottom right one. I couldn’t click a picture of it, coz it means pushing down his chin and making him roll in his tongue.
I got my stitches removed and the scar is bad, but not as much as I thought it would be. Its bad, but I am hoping it’l get better. I was off for a week, so I have a very busy week coming at work now. Off I go to sleeep now! Oops…little V just rolled over closer to me! Imm luvving it!!
