Its just begun.. November 29, 2008
Posted by preetischronicle in my country, this is me.1 comment so far
not over yet. The war has now begun. Some heartless shameless people conspired to finish us. They entered our homes and killed our people. I do not have words to even think in my mind what the people inside those 2 hotels must have gone through. To die in a flip second from an unknown bullet. What it must have been to see people being mercilessly fired at. To see bodies strewn around everywhere. Men and women having a hearty meal, hotel staff going about their routine jobs, a flash of a second and gone. To be held as hostage. What kind of a heart these terrorists carried if they were born with it at all?! How someone just brainwashed them to commit something as horrendous as this. But I didn’t I log in today, to just do a post. I decided to make a small pledge for myself -
- When I stand in queue waiting to get into a cinema hall or the metro, i pledge to be patient with the frisking. To cooperate with them.
- I pledge I won’t hurry myself and ask them to let me go, I’d rather point out to them on all ocassions that I can that what they are doing could some day save many lives.
- I will encourage brave gestures of all kinds, at restaraurants, hotels, all places. Do a pat on the back. We could do better with some more brave hearts around here.
- I will caste my vote, always. Like I did today.
I won’t let this fade from my memory. I won’t sit back and blame the government, their policies. I won’t forget what these men(??!!) attacked, the very core of my country. I am going to do my bit. What can I do more? What will you do?
I don’t know what I am doing November 19, 2008
Posted by preetischronicle in Little V, at work, this is me.6 comments
So the ordeal has begun. I am back to workplace.
The first day was so reminiscent of the pre-mommy-me, reminded me of usual extended hair combing sessions in the loo, chai time and gossiping at workstations. But I am a different me now. I leave a bit of me somewhere to be taken care of and walk into the office. And that puts a price tag on my time, I need to finish and rush back, no time for the chit chats now.Hubby and me dropped off little V to the so called creche with the maid in tow and his rattles, rocker too. I was in tears the moment I left him and stepped out and hubby hugged and consoled me. Aah! the comfort of those shoulders that hug me, give me warmth and absorb my tears but the heart aches. I don’t know how to deal with that. At work, 2 cups of tea were gulped and some hellos exchanged and several applauding comments were received on the weight loss achieved. And then I was getting frantic calls that little V just wouldn’t sleep and was crying inconsolably. That made me feel wretched. My nerves started tingling and eyes were teary. After 2 1/2 hours in office, I packed my laptop and rushed to him. When I reached the creche, my maid was carrying him and the moment he heard my voice, he dropped his head and gave a cry, a cry that asked mommy why did you leave me and go? My heart cried and I brought him back home. So that was day 1.
Day 2, same sequence, thank god little V didn’t cry as much, ate well and slept a little. In 3 1/2 hours I packed my stuff and headed back to get little V and spent the rest of the day at home.
Day 3, same sequence, little V eats fine at the creche. But doesn’t sleep. Not crying much, except when sleepy. Spent 4 hours in office packed my stuff and back.
Haah! Not to mention – the frantic mornings. 3 lunch boxes are to be packed – me, hubby and the maid’s. Little V’s 3 bags full..yes yes. One with foodstuff, cerelac, banana, milk, bottles and rest of the paraphernalia. One with clothes, toys, nappy changes. And his rocker. The maid has to be pushed up to speed, she’s good but she is slow. Three of us need to bathe. So much effort is required, though I am hardly spending any time in office right now. Much lesser than the usual 8 hours. Those begin from the next week and I have no clue how we all will cope with that. Mornings vanish in a flash. Time in office is spent worrying. And calling every 20-30 minutes to check on Little V. Work is left half done and I leave office. The first day Little V was nice to me, it looked like he missed me and wanted me to be with him. Today he seemed upset with whatever is going on. In 2 hours of reaching home he has slept. It seems he didn’t get much sleep there and is catching up on all of it at home now! I am hovering over him, hoping he will wake up soon, so we can spend some time together. And he refuses to budge. He’s in dreamland – I think in the comfort that he is home and the hawk mommy is around!
Three days and I seem to find everything wrong in the arrangement. I am hardly getting any rest, mentally or physically. I am making everyone in the house tag along – even the maid. I can’t concentrate in office and today Little V is sleeping ever since he’s been back. What worth is all this? How do working mums cope up? There is a me that wants to manage it all and find peace at home and good time in office, it doesn’t seem to come by right now, not in the near future.
Stepping out with little steps November 13, 2008
Posted by preetischronicle in Little V, this is me.5 comments
I have decided to be a working mum for now, that is. I was asked to return to work next week. I complete 5 months of maternity leave. I went on leave the day my baby was born and I am returning to work the day after he turns 5 months. I was promoted while still on leave in this period. If you ask me being prepared is the last thing that I am right now. I am still holding my baby tight, not letting the maid feed him, change his nappies..noo the baby’s mine is what I can hear myself say loud. Call it childish, call it whatever, I do not know of this letting go. I nursed him for 9 months and at that time I could call him all mine. When I look back I so enjoyed that time! He was out and everyone wanted their share of the baby. I was around him like a hawk guarding its flesh. My husband started to call me the baby’s bodyguard. I refused to bathe if he was awake, I fed him myself always. I only trusted him with my husband. And now, Friday, Saturday and Sunday is all I have to spend that every minute with him.
You can’t call me sane if my hands aren’t full, if my mind isn’t occupied. I brood too much if I don’t keep myself mentally busy. I like the zeroes that add to my bank balance with the pay cheque. Which helps me shower gifts on my hubby and spend eyes closed on my son. I debated enough in my mind the pros and cons of staying at home vs heading back to work full time. And right now I am just thinking, if things don’t work out my way, I am just going to quit. I gave up a job that involved late nights and traveling out of the city barely 8 months into my marriage, for more family time. So I am not into a job that makes me travel, spend many late nights at work. Ah! And so obviously doesn’t offer me lavish increments, but on the whole I think it fits in well. I have a maid and she is quite clean, sensible and trustworthy, believe me she is ..I don’t trust people easily, I have managed to trust her somewhat. I will be setting up my son in a crèche, well really it isn’t a creche it’s a home of an elderly couple and they aren’t so elderly too! They have a cozy house and keep about 3 children max. And they prefer if I send my maid along. Isn’t that just great?! So my son doesn’t end up going to those typical crèche with many kids playing, crying with runny noses etc. And the place is a 15minute drive from my office. I plan to visit him during lunch time every day and more frequently initially. I am hoping it all works out well, or I will decide to walk out of my job.
I have never thought about being a mommy and the whole parenting deal so much as I do now, and I hear you say obviously, you can’t tell how it suits you until you wear it! I often observe and think about people around me, what sort of parenting they have been through, what they missed, what they didn’t. I observe young children and elders. I never had any premeditated ways of how I wanted to bring up my child, I have no experience and I am still learning. And all this observation made me think about how I was brought up. My father was all I had, he was the breadwinner and he was also the mum around. I had a big sis too, but I didn’t get to be with her much, she got married while I was in fifth grade. So who made me what I am today? It’s a combination of a whole lot of things and worthy of another post.
I am still figuring out my way of parenting and I have a huge admiration for all you moms out there, who know/knew what/how they wanted it to be. Someone once said, “when a baby is born a mother is born too”, I am learning new things every day!! And right now only hoping for a healthy, cared for, happy baby while I am away at work and then back to my hawkish bodyguard kind of role when back from work. When he can be all mine again. Wish me luck! I need it!
Obama is president November 5, 2008
Posted by preetischronicle in world matters.5 comments
a 44th at the age 47 and a first black president. As I write this Obama delivers his victory speech. And when the camera rolls at the audience not a single eye watching him is not moist. A new dawn of american leadership is here. A new era unfolds. A black is a president. Of the most powerful nation of the world. I can’t help but feel emotional. Our own Gandhi fought against apartheid, what a moment this must be. As my 4.5 month old son sleeps in my lap and my 70 year old father must be watching this victory at his home, tears roll down my eyes too. Me and my husband would have heard stories of discrimination of the blacks, our children will only read it in history books and people of my father’s age must be thinking we have indeed come a long way in the 21st century. No discrimination. A world for all. Hope for all. We are certainly preparing a better future for our own children.
feeling panicked November 3, 2008
Posted by preetischronicle in Little V, baby food, this is me.2 comments
I was trying to be that all confident mommy, ready to head back to work and generally elated with the whole mommyhood juggling with career bit. I am feeling so panicked right now. I have let’s say about 15 days now to head back to work. I haven’t yet found a creche. Ok, I have ‘found’ one but haven’t seen it, haven’t even spoken to any parents from that creche. My son is down with cold, has a clogged nose and his voice is getting hoarse with the coughing, which is already driving me up the wall. I went on a semi solid overdrive and was feeding him cerelac and banana almost daily. He so coolly accepted all of it and seems to be refusing bf now. Seems to have gotten over it!! He comes close but hardly takes anything! And he doesn’t take any formula too! I am feeling all too panicked right now. His primary source of nutrition is supposed to be milk until he is 6 months old, but he isn’t taking any. And the doctor asked me to stay away from bottles.
So I am feeling too rushed right now. Little V, Work, his feeds, his milk, the creche, the maid…oh! my head is dizzzing already!
I am just going to open an excel file, straighten out all that how and when’s of feed for Little V. And go through the mail a fellow blogger so kindly sent me across as a checklist for selecting a creche. Like you can see I am so panicked today.
